i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Randomize
