he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
worst night to have a conscience
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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