two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
