Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
