My room smells like vodka and shame
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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