she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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