Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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