i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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