I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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