god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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