I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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