just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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