it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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