Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
