after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
