Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
NoShamevember. You game?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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