allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
