im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Be still, my beating vagina.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
