Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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