I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
someone owes me an orgasm
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
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