i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
