how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
