Porn is love you can see.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
