THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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