Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
