I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
