I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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