hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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