I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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