Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
