i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
