I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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