Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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