fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
