is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
