I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
