the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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