i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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