I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
