bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
