hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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