Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
