i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Randomize
