Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
3 2 1 whiskey
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
