i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
