Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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