I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
