ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
