wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
