There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
